My son can have problems falling asleep sometimes. He gets nightmares. I feel for him, they are often about his dad. He describes him as the "monster" in his dreams. My kids are remembering the abuse issues lately, it seems to come out in there sleep. I wish I could take those memories away. Its hard when they ask, "why did dad do that to you, and why did he get so mad at us?" Its heartbreaking. I try so hard to be positive, try to instill that we BOTH love them dearly and that we were going through hard times. I do let them know though that nobody has a right to hurt someone else. I can't ever excuse his behavior but to try to settle their sweet little minds is what I want to accomplish.

My kids have good nights of sleep but things trigger the bad ones. It seems like when ever dad comes up in conversation or if he decides to actually talk to them, this is when the rough nights creep in. I do give him ibuprophen but many times its not enough. The ER is the only option when he screams and vomits. Not fair to these poor little ones, it sucks. Many times I want to break down and cry for him. But I wait till I am alone, don't need to highten his suffering. Parents want the best for their kids and when they are in so much pain, its hard to watch and feel so helpless. Its hard when he litterally begs me to take it away. I always tell him that I would in a second if I had that power. He is so sweet, he says, "but mom, I don't want you to hurt." Brings tears to my eyes. He is so beautiful, inside and out. Can you tell I miss them. I will get them back tomorrow night. I can't wait to give hugs and kisses, and tuck them in for bed. (and I like the cuddling part too; lolol) not sure who likes it more, mom or the kids.

Justy