I understand where you are, Bayblue. I'm struggling with the same issue(s), but I'm not sure that being bottled up is the best life. Of course, you're the only one who can answer that question. I'm pulling for you not to give up (as I sit for days with tears in my eyes and wondering why I ever chose to see a T so I can feel this way!). Oddly, I know my T cares and for now, that's going to have to be enough reason for me to keep hurting.