I have been in therapy over two years. This is my first experience with therapy. I have improved in several ways. Self care has improved. I have reached out to new people and opened up, set boundaries with my family, disclosed trauma for the first time. However, the transference (maternal) has been intense and painful. Really painful. So much so that I am deciding whether or not I can continue. I am a very sensitive person and I get upset if my t does not answer my emails or if her answer seems cold and clinical. I long for her to sit by me or give me nurturing touch. This is embarrassing and painful for me in itself. The therapuetic relationship feels like a trigger for me. She is patient, kind, caring, and nurturing. Yet I feel abandoned in between sessions. She uses CBT to treat me for anxiety, depression and ptsd from childhood trauma and abandonment.

She says "let's challenge those thoughts" and "what is your evidence for that" for my irrational thoughts. The thing is I have insight. I know my thoughts can be irrational. I know what it means to challenge them. I have had to do this my entire life. It is how I survive in the here and now. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But, when the answer is always to "challenge those thoughts" I feel invalidated. I feel like my emotions and experiences are being dismissed by telling me to replace them with positive thoughts. Since starting therapy my yearning for a "mom" and nurturing touch from a maternal figure has increased 10x (I have touch issues, my mom didn't ever really touch us and we could not touch her). I have improved in several areas but therapy is stagnant in other areas. The transference has not improved at all in two years. I do bring it up (which is very difficult). She nods, accepts it and will normalize it. But, I feel like it is never REALLY addressed or talked about in depth. She never even uses the word and I have done enough research to know what is happening. So the relationship itself has been painful. I yearn for an affectionate hug but do not get it and it is triggering for me. The boundaries (although necessary) make therapy feel cold (just like my childhood). I guess my question to you all would be: Is CBT the right kind of therapy for me? If so, how can I get this intense transference to settle down? Yes, I say these things to her. Her answer will be something like "you are settling down. It just takes time". But, I am not settling down so I leave therapy frustrated because I think "I must not be communicating my suffering in a clear way". (Which could be.....because I am extremely guarded and can't convey emotions very well). Any thoughts on CBT and intense, painful transference would be greatly appreciated.