Well, I don't know if you have failed at anything or have accomplished anything. I do know what it feels like to hate yourself and wish your life could be erased. I don't have anything to take away the mistreatment or pain you've experienced. But I do care that another person feels completely miserable and hopeless and angry. I feel that way myself. When every single thing sucks and the pain wont stop, it doesn't take courage to end your life, it takes courage to try to hold on and endure it. That's the truth. Best regards to you for what they are worth.