Sounds like you learned that the adults in your life would not properly respond to your needs so you adopted coping skills to avoid those unwanted responses. It could be that crying was something to repress in your family and so now you fear doing it.

Crying is normal. It is an important and healthy emotional outlet. If you have a counselor, take advantage of them because this is what they are trained to do.

Let your feelings out, because you have a world tahead if you to experience