Kayla, thanks for sharing your story. You're an excellent writer! I am a lot older than you (54) so I am reading your life story from different perspective. Trust me, it gets better. Here are my observations:

1.) Clearly, you need to go flush your pot down the toilet immediately. It is not working for you. It's a depressant, first of all. It's no wonder you don't want to get up and do your work. You're zoned out, depressed and hung over. If you want to do one positive thing for yourself today, go flush it! Go now!!

2.) Cancel any gaming memberships you have and delete any/all games off your hard drive completely. If you have physical gaming DVDs (or whatever they are called), drop them off at a Goodwill store. This gaming crap is stealing your time and your mindshare away from productive activity. It gives you a false sense of accomplishment (reached a new level, beat my time, won the game) but in the 3D world, every hour you spend gaming is an hour that you will beat yourself up for not working, not going for a walk, not reading a book, etc. You have to know it's totally self destructive, just like the pot. If you can't do what I am suggesting, that should tell you right there than you are addicted and you need to pull the bandaid off and go cold turkey!

I bet if you did the 2 things above, you'd have more energy, fewer depressive episodes, fewer days where you were unproductive at work and you'd have more self-esteem for it. I hope my "tough love" helps you.