Dear T-I have this unshakeable feeling that I am going to come in tomorrow and you are going to tell me something bad. Maybe you've decided I can't email anymore, or that you can't be enough of a support and will tell me I need to do something different. I failed TWICE this week in not e-mailing you. Sigh. Alcohol is so not helping the situation, but I am finding it hard to find something else to fill the void. I wish I wasn't made aware of that void, because now I can feel it, and it is sort of terrible.

I'm scared, and have to try really hard tonight not to drink. Right.