(((((((Rubylizard))))))
Sounds awful!

I feel for you.
I was just wondering if you understand where this fear of vomiting is coming from. Do you know why it is so disturbing to you and how it happened? Gaining that understanding would be the place to start working on this, I think.
I'm sorry for all the losses you have suffered lately. I can certainly relate and I am also very isolated socially right now.
(((((hugs))))) if you want them
Angela