Whenever I think about what it may be like with the future, and when I analyze my current situation, I cannot help to feel a well of hopelessness, despair and meaningless. Ever since what has happened to me in my past, I feel like I'm just so broken and unfix able. I feel as through as I cannot go this way with life and any alternative that I have tried always ended in failure. I am being as straight with myself as I possibly can, and I do not harbor any positive delusions about myself: I'm a complete failure, I have no life nor anyone I can connect to besides my family, and even then they still don't understand, no useful skills to exploit, and I cannot learn effectively as nearly all people take for granted. I'm simply just 'there', not living, not feeling. I am only alive for my mother's benefit, she knows that If I kill myself, it is one less potential form of income for her. I really don't feel like I am apart of this world at all, just seeing how so many people are so better off than I am, mentally and physically. They don't have to deal with crippling mental illnesses that prevents them from functioning. They don't feel things like I do, and they certainly have more success going for them and I do. I'm just wasting resources as I live, and it is nothing more than a pathetic waste and excuse.