If I were to care, I'd post Woody Guthrie's This Land is Your Land. But, who would want to hear it, and who would listen. If songs could kill maybe we would die long, slow deaths full of beauty. "This land was made for you and me." Today, I worried that I am being controlled. And my thoughts, they seemed a little disorganized, to me at least. So, I listened to Woody to remind me that no one will ever control me, not a fascist government if that it should become. It could be just me being worried. I talked to my sister because she asked how I was. I just told her not well, that I haven't much improved, that it is what it is. She encouraged me. It worked. But, I still feel like I'm hanging by a short rope. "On the back side, it didn't say nothing. This land is made for you and me." There is no security in the lyrics to a song. There is no security in music. So, why do I seek it out? Why is it my refuge? No words can save me. No words can protect me. Words can only kill me. Words like "I'm a christian." Words like "I'm mentally ill." Words like "there is a gun in my household." These can kill me. Music can be manipulated; it can be subliminal. But, no one really knows. Who is in control? Who oversees my sanity? When I lose sanity, who is there to make sure I'm not controlled, I'm not abused, I'm not manipulated?

So, I'm listening to This Land is Your Land, and it makes me want to cry. It causes immense anxiety. It makes me want to run away from everything I know and hide there until forever passes...until this feeling passes.