I do this too and I am SO blessed to be able to tell my pdoc anything without him overreacting. He is my t these days when I need it also (I see him every 2 weeks when needed) as I no longer see a separate t. He says I know me and I know if I need to be hospitalized. If I am at a point where he thinks I don't recognize it, he would then intervene. Otherwise, he just works me through it with med changes and by letting me read all of the garbage that spills from my brain onto paper.

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with other posters that you should perhaps notify your team, especially if you find not acting on these compulsions difficult. I also think these very things when I am in a manic or mixed episode. The thoughts can be very distressing. I hope you aren't becoming more depressed and that you are able to overcome this.