I'm still not done. I just need some sort of release. I just can't seem to do this tonight. I took two benzos and I don't feel tired and I am just hoping that my husband doesn't wake up because I don't want him to see me upset.

Surely I'll feel better in the morning, surely. Because, I can't do this otherwise, I can't function like this. I can call a crisis line, maybe that would be better than this. But, my mom is on vacation and I feel like it would ruin her trip if she knew I was this upset. And, I feel like if I told anyone, they would tell her. Plus, I've felt paranoid today and that scares me. But, I'm already back on Abilify. What is left? Going back on 6 meds? Anyway, I'll try to shut it. I'll try to stop typing. But, I am finding that exceedingly difficult.