I agree that feeling bad about yourself has probably become your comfort zone. Getting yourself out of this can seem hard, but it can be done through very small steps in my experience. For me, it's helpful to try something new or put myself in a new location to do something I usually do. So since I love reading I may go to a new park or coffee shop to read. Or I may choose a new game on Luminosity or meditation app on my phone to try out. In order to connect this to self-esteem, I make a short list of things at the end of the day that I've done, and refer back to it in the morning (mornings are the hardest time for me). I put everything I can think of on that list with no judgement about whether it's a big enough accomplishment. So spending 15 minutes on PC counts, as does making some cheese and crackers for dinner. It's all about changing your perspective and giving yourself credit for what you've done. The more you practice this, the easier it will be to believe you are completely worthy of what you want and need.