I miss you and I shouldn't. I still love you and I shouldn't. I want a hug and I want to call you and tell you it's all my fault and I'll pay you to pretend everything is still the same and you still love me like you did. Do you know how much you broke my heart?

Do you know how much risk and agony and physical danger you opened back up for me? I'm responsible for my own choices so I would never guilt you with that, but you messed up our relationship and made it dangerous and then left me with all the pain and emptiness. I want you to understand how badly you hurt me and put me at risk. I want you to love me again and hurt that you hurt me... It's like I lost a close family member because of how our relationship was.

Therapy shouldn't leave you more scarred and hanging from a precipice.

But I miss you, and really that's all I feel today. If I thought you cared, I woukd call you, it's that strong right now.