im also sending you a big hug too. i think you are stuck in a rut right now, things can only get better it sounds as you are at rock bottom and all you can do is look and go up from here. do you have a hobbie or play computer games. i hope and pray for you that you can get the help you need. see a doc and t would help greatly, my son went through this and is still going through this too. i feel like i can't help him he has to help himself first. please try to get some help i'm sure your mom does care for you, she just has her own problems to address. good luck