I think you're making progress because you recognize that you shouldn't focus on the negative and that you need to move forward. The way I think of it is... forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for yourself. It's accepting and letting go so that thing doesn't dominate your life anymore. You are freeing yourself, and that's an act of self-love. Try to see this as a positive... You think you hate yourself, but something inside is saying "I don't want to hurt anymore! I want to be free to live!" There is a part of you that hasn't given up on loving yourself. I'm not sure if all that makes any sense to you. I've been struggling to forgive too so I've been psychoanalyzing the heck out of this process. I just want us all to get better!