Hi Open Eyes,

Thank you so much again for your reply. It really helps me read this.

I know most people don't understand these situations, I have heard a few 'you just need to think positive and move on' and so on. It's really hard to feel all the time like I'm an alien.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and they gave me some pills that are actually helping me a lot. I am now doing 25mg of sertraline and 20mg of oxazepam per day. I haven't taken medication in so long that even this small dose of oxazepam is already making me feel good. In fact, after I took the first pill, and my body started relaxing, it just felt heavenly. I wished so much I could be like that forever.

Now that I'm a bit more grounded, I can think a bit more clearly about what is happening to me. I do have phases when I feel better and stronger, but these flashbacks always come back and they get harder every time. These up and down phases can happen in the span of a month, but also in a week or day. I feel so strong and proud after recovering (as much as possible) from those depressive days, and now I don't know how to overcome this situations. Do we ever recover from a depression? I also feel like there are so many people in worse situations than I am, and that maybe I should just try to deal with it myself.

I have so many plans, there is so much I want to do, and when these days of anguish strike and I just want to disappear...

Thank you for sharing your video with me and for all the explanations. It's easier to read them from someone who knows how it feels, than from a Wikipedia article.