Right now I'm extremely ashamed and angry with myself for my behavior today. Not only today but I've done things to try and sabotage myself out of what is good in my life right now.

My anger with myself and sabotaging behavior led to a moment today where I lost it and acted out in a way I haven't done in over ten years when I was having serious anger issues, it was very immature. I'm so ashamed and shocked at how this came out of me, I'm so embarrassed. It scares me that I am still capable of this behavior after all this time, it's so frightening.

Just when I think I'm doing better I nearly screw things up for myself. I guess I have something to talk about with my T next week. I hope what I have done these past few weeks does not blow back on me. I don't know why I do this but it has to stop before it catches up with me.