I'm looking too far forward and scaring myself. I'm really hopeful right now about medicine and I'm hoping i don't change my mind again. I'm cycling now more than ever and I need treatment before I decide to say screw this! And keep doing what I've been doing my whole life.

I'm sorry this all sounds like I'm venting but I guess I am. I appreciate everything everyone has said here. It means a lot that people are offering their experiences and success and failures with different things. And its nice to see that perservering is worth it. It's making this difficult time for me less lonely.