Thanks for all of your compliments and advice. I've known for a long time that I MUST see a therapist but I am filled with embarrassment. However, the drive to end this is much stronger than shame. Maybe I'll tell my family after I am "cured" (joking). My family (myself included) has zero tolerance for emotional displays and discussions about them (if you want to cry, go to your room; if you're sad, don't make the family feel uncomfortable for not being able to console you, it's too awkward). We are such a loving family but we are not affectionate. I only wanted to tell them so that someone would help me.

SeptemberMorn, it's funny how you pointed out how I feel that my condition is my fault because I never acknowledged that. I feel like I make the decision to do it, I give into that compulsion. I have to admit though, when you restrict all day how can you not expect to want to binge. It's real simple to figure out. I began because of some emotional turmoil I was experiencing (getting dumped after a 4-year relationship and feeling inadequate and at fault), wanted to punish myself by purging, and then after learning to suppress all my emotions and self-hatred, making it a weight thing. I will do anything in my power to lose this weight and get to my goal, which I have never done. I have been trying to lose this freshman 15 since freshman year, 7 years ago. That's another thing, I am such a failure at being a bulimic. What is the point of doing it if I am still considered to be overweight. That makes me seem even more crazy. I just want to learn to eat like a normal person and most importantly, love myself with everything I have. I mean really, what do skinny people eat all day?