I am pretty sure that I know what you mean. I had worked on detachment skills long before filing. I had to, because it was an emotional rollercoaster. He'd behave in a reactive manner and I'd become upset because I couldn't understand what I'd done to upset him, so much. It was a lengthy process to come to understand my role in the rollercoaster along with why he behaves the way that he behaves. On the surface, it probably "appears" that I'm the unfeeling one and him still holding feelings, but deep down I truly believe that it had been the other way around. I just don't walk around others with my heart on my sleeve, positively nor negatively. I'd never been the one to force a breakup in relationships until this divorce.