Sorry for such a late reply! I have now started to feel better!
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Originally Posted by Clara22
La Hi Starryprince,
Thanks a lot for sharing. In some way, I am at the same point. I am getting rid of some friends that are toxic for me (at least at the present moment) and sometimes it is hard for me to find people who really listen and comprehend what I need to say among my remaining friends. I am not a homosexual person but I have a disability and a more or less recent diagnose of depression and anxiety. I think these attributes make my life radically unique.
One one hand I think that for people living radically unique experiences it is difficult to find other people that understand well their worries, concerns, feelings, etc. To me, it is important to have some friends in the disability community and be here at PC where I can post and read postings by people with mental health conditions. I find more understanding and better advice among peers than among people that are not going through radical experiences like mine. Of course, I do not want to live in a ghetto so I relate to other people, as well. Sometimes to me it is hard to balance the relationships and not get annoyed when an "outsider" ( a friend that does not have a disability or depression) gives me an unwanted advice or tell me hurtful stuff unintentionally.
On the other hand, I have doubts about getting rid of friends that are toxic to me for the moment. I know depression makes us see things with dark lenses. Sometimes I get very irritable and some people really hurts. But then feeling alone hurts, as well. It is a delicate balance and, on top of that, I would not like to hurt them by refusing their friendship, although sometimes the healthiest thing to do is cut out.
Anyway, for you perhaps it would be good to find some peers going through similar experiences. You may find a better quality understanding among them. Also, be aware that if you are under depression you could get easily irritated or hurt by people, you may have to take your time to consider each friendship so you do not get lonely, perhaps.
I am really, really sorry because of your grandma. You have the right to be yourself plenty and you should not have to be putting up with her phobia. It is sickening and it is unfair for you. Would you consider take the lead in this case? She is in control right now. Perhaps if you can take the lead and solve the problem with your grandma once for all you will feel much better.
Ok , sorry for the long post. I am sending you a hug
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Thanks so much for your reply! You're right: when you live through unique experiences, it is very difficult to find people who can relate to you. They are out there, but it is very hard to spot them. I have what I like to call "angry depression", and it makes my fuse very short. However, these friends have been toxic for the past 2 years now. I give people a lot of chances, which I have come to learn is not a good thing. But I do agree with you. Sometimes our depression makes us see what we think is there, not what is actually there. I try to remind myself of that all the time when my good friends make a mistake and I immediately start to berate myself with thoughts such as, "They did that because they do not like you" and so on.
I like your advice. I think I would really benefit from being around other friends who can relate to me and who are on the same page, but also people who want to get better like I do. A main source of the loneliness is having no one who understands (or wants to try to understand) where I am coming from, and who I am as a person.
And thanks a lot!
Unfortunately, my grandmother is very difficult to talk to. It's like talking to a wall. There is also a lot of conflicting emotions on my part. I feel bad for being angry at her, but then I remember that there are some things she has done that is unforgivable. =/
And no need to apologize for the long response. I love long responses.
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Originally Posted by Pierro
Hey starryprince, sometimes "friends" cannot see past their own nose, meaning they are just trying to sort out their own head and not looking at the person in front of them who may need more help than they do. I am glad that you have one good friend. Do you talk to your mom about how you are feeling. Are you on meds at the moment? I am sorry to say there are homophobic people out there, sadly that is a fact of life.. Why would your grandmother get violent with you? You have done nothing wrong. I just want to say that there are lots of great caring people on PC, who give their time to help others try and make sence of their lives. I guess your grandmother is not the kind of person that you can sit down and have a rational conversation with.. Best wishes.. I am sorry that I have no words of wisdom.. Just keep your chin up, things change all the time. You wont always feel this bad..Best wishes
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Thanks so much for the encouragement! It is very much appreciated! That is exactly the problem with my friends. They are all going through their own problems and they are inconsiderate because of that. I talk to my mom a lot. She's my rock, to be honest. And yes, I am on medication! It has helped me a lot but there are still times when I get very down and I just fall into the pits of my depression. Oh, she may most likely get violent because she'll be angry that I'm gay.
She is not rational at all. She loves to play devil's advocate and it just makes me feel like an idiot. And please don't apologize. Your words helped a lot.
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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear
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