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Originally Posted by NoGreaterLove11
Hi starryprince,
I have a very similar problem with relationships that stem from sexual abuse at a young age. Yor not a weirdo.
As far as a support group, I think it will help if you are ready to be open about your experience and are ready to hear other experiences. Have you asked your therapist about a group?
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Thanks a lot.
It's hard, sometimes.
I am very sorry you have a similar problem to me. I really wish you didn't. I have spoken about it with my therapist, and she thinks a group would be a great idea. But you have a point: it'll help if I'm ready to be open but it's been a year and I still haven't been that open about it in therapy. My feelings surrounding my abuse is very conflicting and makes things more confusing. =/ Thank you for responding!
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Originally Posted by starfruit504
I don't know if it's dissociation because I haven't experienced that. But I was also abused starting at age 3 by my father. He was never punished for it and I was never removed from the situation, so it continued for years and years. I also have trouble feeling anger towards my father -- not that I'm not totally disgusted by him, I am. I just can't feel anger because I wasn't allowed to. In order to feel the appropriate anger towards him, I have to sit around and think about different things he did to me all afternoon. I have to focus really hard.
Part of my recovery has been owning and honoring my feelings. It's a long road.
I think joining a group is a great idea. Hearing other people talk about their situation may be hard at first but it is ultimately taught me a lot about coping, perspective, learning self esteem and confidence, putting blame where it goes and not dragging it around with me.
At first, I didn't "want to be part of the club" because I was so wrapped up in the shame and disgust of being a victim. Eventually I realized that wasn't my disgust or shame, that belonged to my abuser and that's his burden to bear.
Never forget: You're extremely strong. You've already done the hardest part and that's survive the abuse itself.
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I'm so sorry you went through that. My mother never confronted my abuser because my grandma said not to and she also said, "They may think we're lying". I was young, so I could not articulate well what happened, and my mother recently told my grandmother after I told her. My grandmother had the nerve to say, "If you told me all of that happened, I would have told your mother to confront them". Absolutely disgusting, invalidating my experience at the time. Learning to validate my feelings was a big part of my therapy. My family was very, "Think positive thoughts" and, from my grandma, "You're too sensitive/ You're making a problem out of nothing". So it's been a long road but I have come a long way.
I am definitely going to think about joining a group. I think it will be beneficial, once I can get to the bottom of my feelings and learn to express myself without just feeling emptiness.
You're very strong too, and thank you for the reply!