You know, if you were living somewhere like a large city right now and had two or three lovely children, people would be whispering "OMG! She must have started having them when she was a child!" They would be horrified that you had children at such a young age. Late 20s or older would be considered a normal age to start getting married.

So much of what people think about you is based on what's normal for the area where you live. It's also based on how open-minded people are to people who don't have exactly the same life path as they do, and I see from the info. on your profile that you're in one of those parts of the US that is known for being family-oriented and conservative.

I don't know how locked in you are to where you live. If the pressure to conform is really awful, it could be worthwhile checking out other parts of the US where you might feel more at home.

I sure heard that question a lot of times when I was younger. I think most people do mean it, if anything, in a complimentary sort of way, but I know what you mean about looking "beneath" the question and wondering about yourself.

Really, though, it's rude for people to even ask that question. It means that 1) they don't know that they should mind their own business, 2) they aren't stopping to think that whoever they are asking may not be able to have children and that their question may be painful and 3) they are too limited to consider that a woman might not always want to be married and have children.

I have a friend who managed to have children in spite of her health conditions. She is one of the most determined people I know. She will mow down anyone who gets in the way of her goals.

She got to her mid-30s and decided that she was going to have kids. She found a guy who also wanted kids and who she was pretty well compatible with, and they had two kids. Things haven't been 100% terrific with the relationship, but the kids are great.

I mention her, because I think it's important to think about how important a spouse and children are to you, and what you'd be willing to go through to get them.

If that sounds awful, I just mean because if we have illness or other problems that make it more difficult to form relationships, it may take extra focus on relationship goals.

It may mean asking yourself if you have a definite feeling about whether children or a husband are more important to you. If you really want a husband, and kids would be nice but you won't go into a funk if you don't have them, then you can afford to take the romantic view of relationships.

If you feel like you must have children, then you may want to start evaluating partners more as potential fathers and domestic partners and friends. There are men out there who are wanting that same kind of relationship, so it's not like you're being an awful person if you decide to evaluate things that way.

My tough-minded friend waited until she was 34 then she shifted from "romantic" point-of-view to "find a partner to have children with" point-of-view, because she felt like time was getting short. We all know or read about woman who have children up until their early 40s, but you can't always count on that working.

But no, it absolutely is not too late for you! The next time someone asks you why you aren't married/don't have kids yet, just say that you haven't met the right person yet and ask them if they want to fix you up with anyone they know. (Unless they are mouth-breathers or single & male - best not ask in that case.)