The part of what you said about your husband asking if you want/like something and your saying "no" but then he gets it for you anyway reminded me of a former friend of mine.

He was a good person, but he had an abusive upbringing, both physically and emotionally. He often didn't have a clear understanding of what's usually referred to as boundaries.

I'd say that maybe he didn't even always have a really good grip on the separateness between what was going on inside his head and what was going on inside the head of someone he was emotionally close to.

(I'm not trying to say that all this applies to your husband. I'm just kind of throwing things out there.)

My friend also had a problem with paranoid delusions from time to time. They were mild - nothing way out there - it would always be something that could have happened in real life, but it hadn't actually happened.

When this was going on, he would get tense and confused and unhappy, understandably. I knew him for about a year before he ever told me about this happening.

My friend would also sometimes get very upset about something minor for reasons that weren't apparent. His feelings would be really strong and out of proportion in intensity for whatever had happened.

Psychotherapy and/or marriage counseling sounds like it's in the cards. If your husband won't go, either to couples counseling or to therapy on his own, you can go to individual therapy and get a professional opinion about what's going on here.

Several times in what you wrote, you were obviously aware that your boundaries weren't being respected or that other things were going wrong. You may have felt guilty anyway, but you did a very good job of knowing when interactions between the two of you aren't going the way they should and when something unhealthy is going on. Give yourself points for that. The type of things you're describing can feel crazy-making.

I'm glad that you've found the Psych Central forums. This is a good place to vent, and there is also a lot of accumulated experience here with mental health problems and relationship issues.

Like anywhere on the internet, you have to pick and choose to decide what seems to be helpful for you. I think that people on these forums usually are a little kinder and more conscientious than on your average internet forum.

Hugs. I hope that you'll be getting some helpful answers/advice here.