I think people are going to shoot me, attack me, hurt me, think people are talking about me, staring at me, I get scared about cars driving behind me like I think people in the cars are going to harm me, and I get extremely anxious and scared. They're episodes and I sometimes can't handle them. This is why I am going to this partial hospitalization program in California to get a medicine adjustment and I really hope I can find something that works because I have had lingering suicidal thoughts after it happens. I've thought about jumping in front of a train multiple times. I don't know why I haven't done it. I guess I don't want to die. Paranoia makes me pretty depressed. I worry it's going to happen at work because it's happened at work a couple times. I just want it to go away completely. I'm kinda desperate for it to go away. My pdoc won't give me anymore meds because I'm not stable. I have an appointment on Wednesday for the Php program.