Oh wow! I completely agree with you, no kids without being married... it IS much more risky for the woman. Additionally, I tend to think that marriage helps create a stable base for the kids... it's not perfect (i.e. people get divorced) and some people manage without it, but if you can provide that, it's a really good place to start.

And, I agree that if you're not going to have kids - marriage becomes much less of an issue, and that there's much less need to get married. I think I'd be in the same place you are, I wouldn't mind living with somebody as long as no kids are involved (though I'd like personally like the commitment of a marriage, at some point, I think.)

I guess I just wanted to chime in with agreement that it's really odd that your boyfriend seems so gung-ho about having kids now, but isn't willing to compromise on marriage. Oh, and I agree that the idea that he wants them so that he can have a legacy (rather than because he loves them and wants the experience of being a parent) would worry me a lot. It would make me think that he's going to be very hands-off, and that I'd be doing all of the actual parenting work... and I, personally,wouldn't be up for doing that alone. It's a lot of work, and I barely have time to care of myself properly, I can't imagine taking care of kids, with a boyfriend who doesn't want to get married or help out.

I might be reading too much into it, but that's how I'd react.

Good luck!