First of all- big Hugs! Having been on the weight roller coaster myself, doubting my own beauty all my life (tho others say i am pretty, i just didn't 'see' it for a long time- still have trouble) one thing i learned is that we all are SO much harder on ourselves then others will be towards us. As much as i have been bullied, which could contribute to the poor self image, in addition to the undiagnosed bipolar stuff, I was always much harder on myself.

Someone will see your inner beauty. Do things that can improve your self esteem, start small and build your network of friends.

I was married for many years and stayed due to FEAR. Fear does not help us! it just hurts in most cases....

Once i was divorced, lived alone, I started gradually working on ME. I went to therapy, I started a program to help with my eating disorder- guess what happened as a result? I gained about 50lbs!!!!! yes. ugh.

And around that time, i still had my dating profile online which i had created a year or two prior to that time. I reactivated it, partially knowing i was still thinner in that profile pic. but i figured i didn't look all that different ? Or i can lose #'s before meeting someone in person. (crazy).

I met the man i am with now! At that high weight! And after we first met, i could see a little doubt in his face. However, we had been talking so much, and already built a understanding and liking. He wasn't sure after the first date and i was scared b/c i liked him SO much! and he was gorgeous and foreign to boot Anyhow, i asked if we can be friends, we kept in touch and had additional 'dates' with no strings or pressure. and guess what???! We fell for eachother! He saw past my weight, he saw my inner beauty. Which, i struggled with for along long long time. He became VERY sympatheic that i had a ED especially, it helped him understand my weight flux.

I have since lost 50#s, and we are still happily together after 3 years! (Mind you he insists that i take care of myself, my mental health and if i dont eat enough or start getting too diet crazy/rigid, he is the first to call me on it... He really genuinely cares, about my health before my appearance...

This is to reassure you that there is someone, for everyone.

Best wishes to you <3

PS: I used to work with a tall, very pretty young lady. She had a 'thing' for guys who were bigger/chubby and that was her thing, and they are now married!

I suggest reading and learning about men, and relationships to start- you might be surprised at how they 'work' and what is attractive, it might be different then what you think. I know you will find the right person for you !And in the meantime- have some fun and enjoy life!