Ok, so i have been with my man for 3+ years now. We met online and have a wonderful life together. We have lived together for 1.5 years or so, and both in our 30s. I was married before. He is foreign and about to get his green card very soon through his company. (he never wanted to get married before that would happen).

We have been talking more about the future. He knows well that i suffer w/ mental illness. We are making strides to take next steps. Over the weekend (my birthday is this week) he was typing and typing something- which i know is meant for me (99% sure) and it was when we were on a weekend getaway and he was relaxed, looking at me smiling etc. Ahhhh i have no idea.

I am wondering if it is some kind of plan or proposal? or perhaps just a nice love letter lol. I am just scared to death (in a positive excited way- major butterflies) as to what the heck it is. Im trying to stay humble, he is a VERY planned guy- however he is majorly romantic.

I really have no idea. Anyhow- regardless to what it is, even if it is a silly thing and not grand gesture... I am doing this weird thing lately where i am kind of self-sabotaging. I am so thrilled for us to move forward that it scares me, and i am causing needless drama for us. I need to learn in general to STOP doing this, sometimes excitement of any kind is triggering for me and my mood disorder. I need something to help me relax and enjoy whatever it is coming my way- before i cause something bad to happen.

Hope this makes sense!! <3 thank you!