Thanks everybody. It's helpful to hear everyone's point of view. My friend who had left the messages went on to email me. I did email her back that things weren't well. It was a really short email, but that actually says more coming from me. (When things are well, I write long chatty emails that ramble around all over the place.) She's perceptive -- her email flat-out asks if I'm trying to disappear. Well duh.

I will actually see my friends today (large group event where hopefully I can steer clear of my ex since he'll be there). I won't talk much. I'd skip it except I'll have a few beers there and then I'll lighten up. (No, I don't drink to any excess, but I don't mind relaxing with a few drinks occasionally.)

I left my therapist a long rambling phone message yesterday. Seems I lost track of what I was saying in the middle of it, but he
won't mind.

Speaking of rambling, I'm starting to do that here now too so I'll shut up and go back to my coffee.

In summary: my unhealthy want at the moment is to feel like I've moved away only without actually doing it.

Sidony