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Old Oct 19, 2015, 05:39 PM
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vonmoxie vonmoxie is offline
deus ex machina
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Ticket-taking at the cartesian theater.
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Conversely, I've become more apt to wonder if ultimately there is anything really in our control. I used to be a big fan of believing that everything about my own destiny could be directed by me, that I could create it all, manifest positive thoughts, etc. etc. It seems to me that this line of thinking can get a person into just as much trouble though, as believing that nothing is in our control can; but especially where other people are concerned, because each of gets our own destiny to attempt to be at least somewhat in control of.

From Wikipedia, regarding how maintaining both an internal and an external locus of control* orientation best serves us:
Quote:
People that have the combination of the two types of locus of control are often referred to as Bi-locals. People that have Bi-local characteristics are known to handle stress and cope with their diseases more efficiently by having the mixture of internal and external locus of control. People that have this mix of loci of control can take personal responsibility for their actions and the consequences thereof while remaining capable of relying upon and having faith in outside resources; these characteristics correspond to the internal and external loci of control, respectively. An example of this mixed system would be an alcoholic who will accept the fact that he brought the disease upon himself while remaining open to treatment and/or acknowledging that there are people, mainly doctors and therapists, that are trying to cure his/her addiction, and on whom he should rely.
On another note, wishing for too long about someone things haven't worked out with can close us off to new possibilities, and in my experience there are nearly as many kinds of fish in the sea as there are fish, and some are quite fantastic when we have our eyes open to see them. At some point or other it does tend to be a good idea to let certain things go, instead of focusing for a longer time than may be effective, on things that may not be in our control at all.

Good luck.

*
In personality psychology, locus of control refers to the extent to which individuals believe they can control events affecting them. A person's "locus" (Latin for "place" or "location") is conceptualized as either internal (the person believes they can control their life) or external (meaning they believe their decisions and life are controlled by environmental factors which they cannot influence, or by chance or fate).
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“We use our minds not to discover facts but to hide them. One of things the screen hides most effectively is the body, our own body, by which I mean, the ins and outs of it, its interiors. Like a veil thrown over the skin to secure its modesty, the screen partially removes from the mind the inner states of the body, those that constitute the flow of life as it wanders in the journey of each day.
Antonio R. Damasio, “The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness” (p.28)