ojroo - First of all, Welcome to PC. I'm glad you are here.

I'm very sorry about the loss of your brother. I'm sure it's been difficult on everyone in the family. Grieving takes on many faces for everyone. We all grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. Some of us try hard to find things to keep ourselves busy, looking for ways to make up for the loss to others (what you are doing) and others lash out in anger and despair for they don't know how else to channel their grief.

Being 14yrs old is difficult for a lot of kids without the added loss of a loved one. So many emotions already welling up inside. Lost between being a kid and wanting so much to be an adult.

One thing that came to my mind as I read your post was that maybe you can engage your sister in other ways right now. Instead of trying to get her to help with the everyday chores, maybe you can ask her for her advice on a topic or situation. This would let her know that you value her in more ways than just helping out around the house. As an example, "Hey sis, I'm having trouble deciding on *insert idea here* and I was wondering if you would give me your thoughts on it".

The other thought I had was to find some ways to have fun with her. What does she like to do? Is there something that the family can do together that would be fun? Going for walks, going to the park, riding bikes, seeing a movie, making popcorn and renting a flick that she wants to see, having some of her friends over, going swimming, etc etc.

Letting your sister know that she is a valued person with valuable feelings both good and bad is one way to try to connect with her. It won't happen over night, but I think it will work to your advantage and show her that she is part of the family. In time, you will find that she will want to join in on the family chores and get togethers. And it will also bring an amount of respect for herself and for the rest of you.

I applaud you for your efforts in wanting to help and to reach your sister. Please remember to take good care of YOU also. Your feelings and emotions are very important too.

I wish you all well.

*Gentle Hugs*
sabby