i noticed i've gotten so much more avoidant of people in the last year, and maybe i'm just noticing it because so many people have tried to talk to me? like three girls my age have been nice to me in the past 24 hours and every time i just, skirt around them and get away as fast as possible. this morning one of my neighbors passed by with her dog just as i was heading out to work, the dog started barking and made me jump and she was super apologetic and sweet, but for some reason that scared me so much? i left my building out the opposite side, hopped a fence and walked the opposite direction of where i was supposed to be going for a long time just to not have to see this person again. here my *** is always crying about being so isolated but pulling this crap all the time. i did go to my favorite bagel shop where apparently i'm considered a regular now? this girl who always works there said "hi [mantis]!" when i got there and gave me my order herself without calling me, they just know me by sight.

and at the same time because so many people have been nice to me today i'm sitting here expecting an anvil to fall on my head because i'm not allowed to have good days without consequence.

yuck that was ranty. hope everyone's having a good day and had a damn fine cup of coffee this morning.