First of all, happy belated birthday! I'm glad that, for the most part, you were able to celebrate the way you wanted. Give yourself credit for that! There may have been points where you don't believe you fully enjoyed the experience, but that's in the past. You can take that experience and learn from it--and you can still have the happy memories that you created if everything wasn't perfect.

I've read your previous threads and it sounds like your relationship with your mother must be the primary tension-creator in your life (?). It must feel terrible to go through that day in and day out. I hope that writing about it over time to us can bring some relief, no matter how small. Have you spoken to a therapist about this? That may be useful even in the short term to help role-play some common conflicts in your relationship. I've found dialectical behavior therapy skills to be helpful too. There's a group of them called Interpersonal Effectiveness that can help you work better with difficult people. There are therapy groups you can join to learn them, but you can also google around to read information about it.
Some overview websites:
Reasons to use the skills:
IE Handout 1
Three types of goals for approaching a conflict: objective, relationship, and self-respect:
IE Handout 2
Factors making it hard to get what you want:
IE Handout 3
Cheerleading statements when making requests:
IE Handout 4
IE Handout 5
Figuring out how intense a request is:
IE Handout 6
Structuring your conversation for a request:
IE Handout 8

More thoughts to come soon.