My husband is in the care of a psychiatric team, in inpatient treatment, for his first manic episode after being misdiagnosed and treated for depression, anxiety and insomnia. Misdiagnosed may be the wrong word, he was suffering from those things but the possibility for bipolar disorder was missed and the medication threw him into a mania. I am financially dependent on him but in his episode he left home, accusing me of trying to detain him (because I wanted him to get a second opinion on his diagnoses after he almost injured me by pressing the gas on the car while I was trying to get out because he was angry at me), quit his job, spent well over $3,000 at least on a suit, shoes, camera, gaming system and other things which I just found out after a hotel he was staying at out of town sent me the things he left after he was put on 5150 hold and was making plans to leave the country and travel all over the world. We have two children, 4 years old and a 5 month old. This is not the man I married, and friends, family, NAMI support group members, psychologists, social workers...keep reminding me not to take it personally when he says and does hurtful things. I called him tonight after recieving three boxes from the hotel with his notes, receipts, and new toys. I made a rule for myself to only speak to him when he calls me but I was so overwhelmed with emotion I had to talk to him so I broke my rule and now I regret it. Although he seems to have come down from his manic state to his previous hypomanic state, he is still so non-chalant about everything that happened and insists he isn't upset that I ended up getting a protective order on him, but he keeps bringing it up and saying that it was good for me but now he has to take care of himself and he doesn't agree with what I did. He has all these plans about what he is going to do when he gets out of the hospital about finding work again, living with a friend, going back to school and when I asked if he planned on discussing anything with me his response was "Did you consider discussing getting that protective order with me?" Is there anyone that has advice on how to stay strong other than reminding myself that "This isn't him talking, its the illness" Even though I know it isn't logically okay to think this way, I still get these little irks inside me that say "Maybe this is how he really feels about you, maybe you did drive him into a mania, maybe the version of him that loves and is devoted to you is the sick version" AND YES I have a psychologist I have been seeing since before this happened but I haven't been able to see him recently because I'm trying to get out insurance square again so I don't have to deal with the hassle of filing another claim to get our money reimbursed. Im trying to make it until I can get in to my psych again I know my anxiety has a lot to do with my inability to reason right now.