I can relate! It took me many years to realize that trying not to think about something just makes you think about them more. Let the thoughts/obsessions come in. They're uninvited, irritating guests, but they have to leave at some point! The more you resist the compulsions, the obsessions eventually take the hint. Easier said than done, I know, but it's the cornerstone of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for OCD. The anxiety has nowhere to go but down when you don't "serve" your obsessions. Treat them like the worst people imaginable (Hitler, etc.). They don't deserve any respect, because they make your life a living nightmare.

It also helps me when resisting a compulsion, especially "thought" compulsions like checking off mental lists, to focus on relaxing my back muscles as much as possible. You'd be surprised by how taught they are when anxious! So not only does it feel good, but it's a form of biofeedback. Relaxing your body when your mind is racing, helps to bring those thoughts to a halt. Your brain takes the message from your relaxed muscles and goes, "Hey, why aren't you in 'fight or flight' mode? I am! Well, if you don't feel the need to fight or flee, guess I'm over-reacting. I do that. It's my job, sorry."

What sort of obsessions do you have if you don't mind sharing?

Mine are mainly mental reviewing, re-doing and checking.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. : ( Hope you're able to find some peace of mind.

Sincerely,

Wuwei