Thanks all of you for the confirmation that it's not just me who thinks the unwillingness to bend on kids + marriage is a possible red flag. Two of my real life friends kind of surprised me by telling me that they thought it was strange I'd want to be married - one even told me that I would be better off *not* getting married but having kids anyway! .

I don't think I want to take on this challenge. It would be one thing if it was thrust upon me, but as a rational choice, it's too hard to swallow.