Feeling really out of sorts. So scared but trying hard not to be or at least not to show it. Mind feels like it is racing with thoughts that make no sense or make so much sense that it is pushing me into utter silence. Trying to hide within a shutdown yet scared to be alone. What a confusing state not only to ourselves but to anyone trying to care. Leaving for a trip in the morning, a trip where it feels the world now does not exist. Trying so had to stay positive and focused, but focus seems to not be possible or at least very difficult. Crying help me yet there is nothing anyone can do. So silently crying no one can hear you knowing full well this is a choice we have made, even so the terror and upset within both myself and those within is pushing silence to a level we have known before, a silence so devastating and alone, a silence where life felt too much to go on. Just feel scared and silent.............................................................