that has been what prevents me from hurting myself. I really don't think I matter much to family. They will get over it. It is about what happens afterwrds - that some poor person will find me and I can't do that to them.

And, as I discovered this summer in the hospital, it is more than the one person. It spreads like a web rapidly. That person that finds you, the people they call for help. All of them will seek solace in their friends and families who in turn will seek their own solace from other friends and family, etc, etc.

I'm not sure what you mean by the seroquel. It is usually going OFF it that leads you into such thoughts and rumination. It might be a dosage problem.

I can't say I've gone through what you are, but I've had my own battles.

Please keep us up to date. Reaching out has been a good start. Hugs