Thank you Rapunzel for your insight and support.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It's not about you not being good enough, or doing something wrong, or anything that you could control. All of those things are someone else treating you in a way that was so much less than you deserved.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> ... see- this is VERY difficult for me to understand. If only I would have "jumped through the hoops" in the right way, I too would have made the grade like the "golden sister" did. I wasn't disrespectful enough, I wasn't a "squeaky wheel", I didn't smoke at 10 years old, go out with college guys when I was 13 or get pregnant at 15. Those are the things my family liked-- then I'd have "made the grade". It's hard to see -- what you said-- it's not my fault. Seems it's always been my fault and still is.
My last T., I have a feeling, tried to get me to be angry-- I struggle to do that-- I rather quit therapy than get angry. I can get physically ill just thinking about getting angry.

And I would like to NOT be a victim anymore-- it's just so very hard. My birth family is still acting the same way--Like I'm the only offspring that lives near my mom-- the rest are at least 300 miles away-- and she still excludes me in her life unless she needs something from me-- like she if needs a favor or is in a crisis-- then she will get in touch with me- but until then-- I'm NOT to call her-- she will call me-- has never mattered what's going on in my life-- her life is the important thing......though with the help of my last T., I have distanced myself a little from family-- which has been a bit helpful.

I always appreciate your kind and helpful replies.

Rapunzel-