Hey Hopefull. Thanks for your response. I have actually tried around 16 different meds in the last 9 years. I just came off of a mood stabilizer and currently, I'm only taking Klonopin as needed (which is around 2x per day lately). I have a lot of issues surrounding the use of meds.

Here is what my T found for me:

"Van der Kolk and others have suggested that endorphin pathways are laid down in the brain over the course of the first several years of life, in the context of early object relationships. Affectively intense experiences, both positive and negative, are accompanied by endorphin release, and these chemically bathed states in the brain become associated with states of both deep secuirty and trauma. There is thus a physiology of attachment in these ties to early objects. Early experiences are addictive, not just because of their psychological salience but also because of their neurochemical concomitants."