I hear what you're saying. Why not embrace each parent/parental figures uniqueness that they bring to life. I adored my late stepdad. Was hard being so young at first with the suddenness of their marriage. And I've grown to adore my stepmother, which because of the divorce and all my dad's behaviour since separating, I realize she wasn't the enemy that he tossed her out to be. As if a wedge was planted and now removed. Extended families bring something of importance if nurtured properly.

Also, isn't your ex a narcissist? Explains the wedge, if that's the reality..