Hello betterdayz: I read your post. I'm not even sure what to say. But I wanted to reply to at least let you know I had read it. This is such a tangled mess of a situation! I can't comment with regard to this woman's mental health status. One thing I do know is that long-term relationships are difficult enough to navigate under the best of circumstances. The circumstances surrounding your bf & this woman are so convoluted that, from my perspective, the chance of it lasting for even a short while are vanishingly small. This is just a shipwreck looking for a place to happen. From my perspective again, I think what your bf needs is to get into therapy to help him to sort all of this out in his own mind.

Each of us, ultimately, has to take responsibility for ourselves. And also we have to protect ourselves. Your bf has, it appears, made his choice. The woman involved has made her choice. You have done what you can do. You have no responsibility for this situation... "no dog in this fight", as the saying goes. So, again from my perspective, I would say to you that it is time for you to take care of yourself. I'm sure this will be excruciatingly difficult, given your feelings for your bf. But this situation has the potential to keep dragging you back into the middle of it over-&-over again until you are so worn down you simply have nothing left. My recommendation is, make it clear to your bf that your relationship is over. Let him do what he feels he must do. If, as is likely, it all falls apart, & if he gets the therapeutic help he needs to sort out his own emotions, then depending on where you are at, at that point, the two of you can consider if there is any future left for the two of you.

I wish you all the best as you continue to struggle with this most difficult situation.