My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how part XV

Chummy · Oct 22, 2015, 05:17 PM

Dear T

I'm back at home. I now wished I had chosen to see you tomorrow instead of skipping a week and see you on our usual day. This short trip didn't went so well. I did some nice things and I had a bit of fun (sort of). But a few times I had such strong

Possible trigger:

suicidal thoughts. I really wanted to do it, to die. But I was with my mum and I was in another country and I didn't had anything. And I was so irritated that I was surroundend by people and I couldn't do it. I couldn't cry, I couldn't hurt myself. And I wish I was at home so I could do something.

Everytime this thought slowly went ''away''. I got distracted by other things. I see pdoc next week and you the day after him. I probably won't telly either of you about this. You probably can't help me with this. I think pdoc can't either.

I feel so alone. I don't feel close to anyone. I can't be myself, really myself, with anyone. And I can't be completely open and honest to you or pdoc.

I don't belong in this world. And I don't want to anymore.