What exactly do you mean when you say that your relationships with friends come to end because of you? You say when things are going well they end because of you or for reasons beyond your control?
In life, people, are here for each of us to realize who we want to be and refine that person we want to be. Plato, said that, "pride exists only in the company of others". If you think about that, whether or not you agree with the statement you should realize just how much we rely on each other to define the person we are and the person we want to be.
Obviously, the people you surround yourself with have a determining factor on the person you are and the person you're going to become. Perhaps, the people you're surrounding yourself with aren't ready for the person that you are. Have you thought of that?
People are always going to come and go in your life. A true friend is someone that knows everything about you and is still your friend. This is why it's so rare to find someone that has childhood friends. The one thing that we know for sure in life is that life is ever changing. Perhaps you can take solace in that. Regardless of your problems, you are still changing. You are still fighting the current.
I don't want to say anymore without knowing a thing about you but if you enjoy writing i will say...,WRITE! Don't give that up for anyone. I, myself lost my passion in writing because i mistakenly began to associate it with a particular person. I have recently began to find the courage to overcome that. So, if you enjoy writing, i would recommend that you find a way to do it no matter what.