I am trying to cope with my ex husbands impact too. No emotions or wishes are ever wrong. You just have to behave and treat other people with dignity all the time, otherwise you are joining their craziness. I was telling myself this last night when I dreamt of making a video game to blow my ex up, to destroy his boats, to push his mistress in to the freezing water, and to cut his clothes in to pieces. Then today, I sat and discussed the first draft of our divorce agreement. He saw my points and we can proceed to the next draft. It hurts so much to have loved and tried so hard, and now to say goodbye. His life doesn't matter, it's that he is no longer mine. I will have to keep repeating, "This is on him, this is on him." I honored our promise to love forever.