See the thing is that I don't actually tend to spend a lot of time with my friends without my husband also being there. Usually whenever I catch up with friends its always with our partners included as well. I try to organise things just with the girls but I feel guilty for excluding the guys and I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. And I also suppose a part of me is worried that they would enjoy themselves more if my husband was there.

My husband is the kind of person who is fairly outgoing in social situations. A bit too outgoing for me at times. He tends to get carried away in conversations and seems to not be able to stop talking. He feels like he needs to fill every second of silence and just jumps from topic to topic so it's hard for everyone to be involved in the conversations. His whole family is the same so it's a tough habit for him to break. He has admitted to me that when no one is talking he feels anxious so makes it his mission to keep the conversation alive. It doesn't seem to bother most people, they just find him really entertaining and fun to be around. But I have to deal with it in every single social interaction and it gets overwhelming.

I get really frustrated because I don't like to talk just for sake of talking. So when I do have something to say I feel very stifled. My mum is similar to my husband in this sense so I suppose I am just so used to having people around me who don't give me a chance to hold my own in conversations.

On the rare occasions that I do catch up with people by myself (without my hubby) or even if someone just asks me a direct question in a conversation, I feel really really anxious and sometimes feel like I want to disappear. Sometimes someone else answers for me before I have the chance to gather my thoughts and then I feel even worse.

Now that I think about all of this, I suppose the real problem I am having is not that I think I should have more friends. Its more that I feel like sometimes people aren't spending time with me. They are spending time with my husband and I am just tagging along all the time. I even sometimes feel like my own parents prefer my husband to me.

I admit that he overshadows me a lot and I do feel some resentment towards him. We have had many arguments about it and although he understands my point of view, he can't really help it most of the time. People just gravitate towards him more than they do me because they are used to him being the conversationalist. They are all just used to me just sitting there listening and agreeing and not being an active part of the conversation.

I want so badly to have more confidence because I do have so much to share and bring to conversations but I just feel too anxious to embrace it usually. So I feel like I don't get to share my personality with people. I feel like I am always sitting there watching a TV show playing out around me and it irritates the s**t out of me!

Sorry, that escalated but obviously I needed to get it off my chest!!