Hi IrisBloom, your title of your thread 'one step forward, 2 steps back' reminds me of myself. I really hate my depressive moods, I turn into a horrible person but I can't help it. The minute something stresses me, I know it's going to be like walking into a brick wall.
I've never used our crisis line over here as there's been a lot of criticism about the staff answering the calls.
Use this forum to talk out your stresses and fears, there's alwasys good advice here. I hope you feel better soon.