I expect, Atypical, that your love is numbed out? Would you agree, theoretically? And I also guess that may be a better, safer, etc. option for you than trying to un-numb, at least at this point in your life?

To the OP -- if your mother can't face the pain from her own (likely) abusive background and therefore continues to be self-absorbed and act out, that's certainly sad for you and your relationship but how you handle it is up to you . . . not your mother. Also, she doesn't have to be a full-fledged narcissist to be self-absorbed with a sensitive, fragile, or brittle sense of self. Far too much witch-hunting for narcissists going on these days IMHO.