'Hello ShantheArtist23: I'm sorry to read of your struggles. I was particularly struck by your comment about buying things to try to fill the void. I'm an older person now. And, as I look back on my life, I shudder to think of all the money I wasted on stuff that I bought to try to fill the void in my life... thousands & thousands of dollars! What a waste! The fact that you are aware of what you are doing is a good sign. Hopefully you'll be able to avoid just continuing to do this over-&-over again like I did. My best wishes to you...